Here I am, over 2 years later back at the same place that I was before. In fact, I just opened up this blog and noticed that I am even at the same weight that I was in my last post; 311. The good news is that at some point I went all the way up to 318 and now I am down to 311. The good news also is that I am very, very uncomfortable with my body right now and it's actually making me act on something.
In August I saw my ex and he told me that he was worried about me because I did not look well. He doesn't ever exaggerate so I took him seriously. He said that I looked swollen and just not well and that it had nothing to do with increased weight. He said that it reminded him of his mother when she started to get sick and he asked me to please take better care of myself. I took it seriously and although it took me a month or so to get started, I finally started.
I started exercising slowly and now I am finishing up my fifth week. I actually think I am finishing up my seventh week but my documentation is wishy washy in the beginning. Besides, at the beginning I was barely exercising anyway so I won't even count those two weeks. I first started off with 9 minutes on the elliptical and then it progressed to walking twice a week. As of last week I am up to 35 min on the elliptical for one day, and two walks at 60 min each. This upcoming week I am going to increase an extra 30 min on a fourth day. I think on that day I am going to do incline training on the treadmill so I can improve my cardio and leg muscles when walking up hills.
In one way I am frustrated that I am taking it so slow. In another way I am pleased with myself because I feel that if I start slowly and build up steadily then I won't get injured or overwhelmed. This weekend I went walking on a hill and I sort of wonder if I pushed it too fast because the last two days I have been really demoralized. It was hard on me with my cardio and I had a cramp in my leg muscles. It's just triggering me into feelings that I am seriously out of weight and it's so damn hard and exhausting.
Today I went to yoga and at one point it was hard for me. It was even a light yoga class. I got so demoralized and started to just feel like giving up. But at the end when I laid there I thought what the hell does it even mean to give up because I am freaking here where I am right now because I keep giving up! I just can't give up this time! It's going to be very hard because I am battling it in my head right now.
This week one thing that I did notice though is that I am starting to get hungry much more quickly than usual. About an hour or two after I eat, I feel very hungry. I think this is a good sign and I suspect that it means my metabolism is increasing. This week I am going to keep up my exercise and I am going to try really hard to eat better this week too!
