Trying Again

 Once again I am trying again. I am trying not to have any self judgment about this off and on again dynamic I have been going through but it is what it is and there isn't any other alternative than to keep trying again.

I am at my highest weight ever. I have no energy. Today I spent less than ten minutes out in the yard pulling weeds and I almost wanted to pass out from no energy. Sometimes I also wonder if I am anemic but I am too stubborn to go to the doctor because I don't want to be weighed. I am aware that is probably not the best decision.

My friend asked me to try something today and just give it a chance. She told me to walk every day for 15 min and then after two weeks I will add more. I want to jump in and do more but she claims that I always want to do too much and burn myself out so she suggested I just start with 15 min to get my body ready to start working out again.

I was feeling so exhausted after pulling weeds but I mustered all my energy and walked for 15 min on the treadmill. At first I felt like I wanted to pass out, literally. That's how bad shape I am in. I started with 1.8 mpr for a few minutes and then I moved up to 2.0 for 5 min and 2.3 for 5 min and 2.5 for 5 minutes. After about 5 minutes I started having just a little bit more energy and feeling better. I did my 15 minutes and finished.

Today is day one...I will try again tomorrow. Hopefully day by day I will feel stronger. I know I will.